Hello,

Following yesterday's journey into triggers and cravings it would seem insomnia has returned. Returned with a vengeance too, the brain is a powerful thing. Leg cramps, pacing the whole nine yards. Dawn is here and I can again pretend to be normal with other people around. I only hope tonight is better, not sure I'm ready for long term insomnia again. Or perhaps the sleep I did get recharged my batteries and boom it's back to waking nights. I know I feel ratty and tired right now and yes upon occasion last night when I most uncomfortable I wanted to use to gain some relief. It's like my subconscious lulled me into a falls sense of security them bam hit me where it hurts. Must remain strong, drugs aren't the answer. Yes I may feel better and get some good sleep but it would only lead to more misery and many more of these nights. This must never be the answer for me again, not sure I would have the strength to get clear of it next time.

There have been many times over the years where this unique type of torture has lead to using. Typically this must be the worst sensations and uncomfortable physical feelings a recovering addict will have to endure. I have no doubt in my mind it's one of the reasons only a few make long term change. Sadly it's a road we all have to travel to get to better, happier and freerer times. Well here's to a better day and a better subsequent night.

Ciao for now

#triggers #cravings #withdrawal #insominia #addiction #relapse #recovery