Hello,

Well sleep has decided to become elusive again, it's like trying to catch a balloon that bounces from your fingertips. Sinking towards you over and over only to bounce back up again every time. Still I'm getting watch lots of TV shows, thankfully I have access to box sets on Sky TV. Currently working my way through Deadwood, what a great show. There is something appealing about the simplicity of the old west. All you had to do was survive, no conforming to the rat race, men were men and pansies were flowers ;-).

Things are changing daily here at the Ranch, my partner could leave at any time taking both the kids, I'm really confused and just don't know where I stand. I've decided I can't hang on her decision any more, I need to take action for myself and build my life back up. If I spend the next 6, 12 or 18 months waiting to see if she wants to reconcile, how will that benefit my self esteem and self respect? I suspect it won't. While it still hurts to think about living apart from the family it is becoming easier. I only hope I don't get caught up in single life and am able to give my children as much time as I can. My stepfather left and never saw my sister again, being her biological father this had a massive impact on her and still does to this day even though it's been nigh on 30 years. I wouldn't want to inflict that on my children, assuming they wanna spend time with me. As they are getting older friends have a taken on a more important role. I guess we will have to see how things work out. I just need some certainty, one day I'm caring for my daughter while she finishes school, the next day I'm not...confused.com.

So I think it's time for me to "ramble on, the time is now and nows the time to sing my song...."

For those celebrating mothers days have a good one.

Ciao for now