Hello,

Its weird how life goes, get into recovery, fight for freedom and life just to have a pile of shite thrown at you. Its feeling like all I post in my blog is negative stuff. All I can say is I'm really grateful for you guys still reading my blog and listening to my woes. So at the risk of repeating myself lets list the negatives.

1) Marriage is over and kids are leaving with Mum.
2) House it at risk of repossession, unless by some miracle I sell quickly.
3) Homeless when I relocate to be near kids.
4) Unemployed now and post relocation.

If those weren't enough to deal with there is now a number 5.

5) I may have throat Cancer.

I mean really how can one person be so unlucky, I have no idea how I haven't hit the prevebial F*#k it button. 2 weeks ago I was contemplating suicide, lack of sleep and pain was more than I could take.  Now I have to face a barrage of tests, a potentially life threatening illness and god only knows what else. I'm a firm believer in Karma and for the life if me I can't think what I have done to deserve this. I would have thought 1-4 were Karma enough but really Cancer. My brain and emotions are done. Just when I was clearing a drawn out Methadone rattle, bang this rears its ugly head. To top it all off I can't have any decent pain management because of my history. I need some serious help from somewhere, I'm faltering with nowhere to turn. Right about now the oblivion intoxication would offer sounds appealing. However being on Naltrexone that is also off the table. A raging battle of Angel and Devil is going on in my head. Once again I'm spouting negativity, you never know I may have some real positive news one day.

Ciao for now.

#heroin #recovery #depression #health #help #cancer #methadone #lost #karma #relapse #despair