Hello,

Spending a nice evening with the kids, snuggled up watching corny old horror movies. Nothing too scary just corny lol. I need to spend as much time as I can with them this weekend. From Wednesday we'll be living apart. I'm really scared, the thought of not seeing them everyday is is intensley daunting. Add that to the constant reminders from my ex wife that my family wasn't enough for me and I still chose drugs and alcohol. If only it was that simple, if only I could turn back the clock. Would I be able to make healthy choices if given the a do over. I like to think I would but (and its a big but), addiction is a very real, insidious beast. So many years of dependance and emotional suppression I really don't know if I would. Thats a real hard pill to swallow, knowing how broken I truly am. If it was as simple as making healthy choices for loved ones and positive reasons I guess there wouldnt be such a small percentage of people who make permanent change and beat addiction. Unfortunately the majority of people I know don't seem to grasp this concept. The rumour mill has also been running its course as lots of other parents at the school have been throwing me filthy looks or blatantly blanking me. As wednesday approaches panic is surfacing, my old friend anxiety is making an appearance. I suspect I'm due for a meltdown, if I can just keep myself safe perhaps I can ride the storm and get back to a productive healthy life. I'm still waiting for test results but in all honesty am burying my head in the sand at the moment. I just cant deal with that too. Well back to the kids and another movie.

 Ciao for now