Hello,

It's 4am again, as ever sleep is elusive. I really thought the proverbial camels back had broken following 3 hours last night. I was hoping to build upon this improving day by day. I guess all it did was recharge my batteries. These damn noradrenaline storms are a nightmare. The family are asleep, happy in their slumber. I envy them, this probably sounds a bit selfish but I long for a full nights sleep. One of life's basic needs, cruelly ripped from my grasp by years of drug and alcohol fuelled dependence. I begin to wonder if this my lot now. My mother has a sleep pattern that is pretty erratic. I really don't want that. I used to find laying in bed listening to the rain would slowly lull me into a deep sleep, if only I could rely on that now. I may try walking a good few miles today to see if I can gain some restful sleep tonight. This must end soon or I may go a little bit insane.

I find myself thinking, what can I use to get to sleep, perhaps a strong anti histamine, realisation that this is old reliant behaviours surfacing and I must not fall into that dangerous trap again. At least though it is the weekend and my family are around to help me fill the fuzzy exhaustion filled days.

Ciao for now