Hello,

The last couple of days have been very emotional. My counsellor has set me the task of using the word abuse instead of trauma. I've buried and suppressed it for so long that this is a monumental task. In fact this is the first time I have done this. I spent so long suppressing it that it was almost like it happened to someone else. So in an attempt to bring it out into the open I am going to disclose it on here. Its taken 2 days to build up to this and I think I am ready.

When I was 8 I agreed to break into the local primary school playground with 5 older lads from my estate.It all seemed like fun before we got in. I was soon to find out they actually had a much darker agenda. The Playground had an area that couldnt be seen from anywhere and this is where we went. Once out of sight from the rest of the world they turned nasty. The ring leader told the other four to hold me down. One by one they raped me. I felt so ashamed and like it was my fault. So much so I didn't tell another living sole until 2 days ago. For as long as I can remember I have buried this and in some respects was still an 8 year old boy. I must now process this and learn it wasn't my fault, it was done to me and not done by me. I must leave it there as I am finding it difficult again.

Ciao for now